What Confused Travelers Want to Know

• What kind of currency do you use?

Fairbanks, Alaska

• What's the official language of Alaska?

Sonoma Valley wine country

• What are all those dwarf trees all over the hills?

San Francisco

• Can you tell me where I can buy artwork of the Eiffel Tower?
• Where do I catch the ferry from Seattle to Vancouver?
• How long does it take to fly from San Francisco to Berekely?
• Does your map have streets on it?
• Where can I get breast implants in San Francisco?

San Jose, California

• I'm trying to build a flying saucer--where can I go for help?

Los Angeles

• Where can I rent a camel to visit the Grand Canyon?
• I'm on a street with a lake--how do I get downtown?

Boise,Idaho

• If you go to a restaurant in Idaho and you don't want any kind of potato with your meal, will they ask you to leave?

Scottsdale, Arizona

• Have we made peace with the Indians?

Phoenix

• How many cups of water would it take to fill the Grand Canyon?
• When will they complete the bridge across the Grand Canyon?
• Why isn't the Grand Canyon lit at night?
• How do I get from Seattle to Vancouver?
• Do you have fires in the fireplaces in Arizona?
• Can you fix my parking ticket?
• Can you help me open an Indian trading post in North Carolina?
• Is is going to snow in November?
• Where is the Elivs Presley theme park?

Salt Lake City

• What's the white stuff on the mountains--is it salt?
• Where can I go to hear the Utah Jazz?
• In New York there's a dance called the ballet--do you have anything like that in Utah?
• Where can we go to see the Mormons?

Denver

• What time of the year do the deer turn into elk?
• Can you send me an autographed picture of your governor, John Denver?
• Can you walk to the ski slopes?
• What season is it there right now?
• I had quadruple bypass surgery--can I ride the bobsled?

Des Moines, Iowa

• Will India be sending a a team to the Olympics?
• Could you tell me hotels near Yellowstone?
• I'd like to know about the opportunities for dog sledding in Des Moines.
• Can you tell me when to plant my broccoli?
• Will it snow on Dec. 7?

New Orleans

• When is your next jazz funeral?
• How naked can you get at Mardi Gras?
• Can you help me plan a safari?

Louisville, Kentucky

• If it rains, will the hot-air balloon race be held inside Freedom Hall?
• Where is a good place to propose to my wife?
• What is a stud?

Orlando, Florida

• Why does the mosquito in Florida bite only at dusk when it bites everywhere else at 4 p.m.?
• Where can I find an Orlando hotel with an ocean view?
• We're alergic to carpeting--which hetels don't have carpeting?
• Can you find my son?--He's at a convention.
• If I'm pregnant and don't go on the Disneyworld rides, do I get a discount?
• Please send me four Disneyworld tickets--I'll send you the money later.

Florida Space Coast

• Which beach is closest to the water?

Cobb County, Georgia

• Where are Scarlett and Rhett buried, and are they buried together?

Pennsylvania Dutch Country

• Where can we find Amish hookers? We want to buy a quilt.

Philadelphia

• Where can I buy a picture of the Liberty Bell? In the one I have, the bell has a crack in it.
• I'm moving to San Francisco--what's it like?
• Do you have tourist information about Barbados?
• Why is my tarantula bald?
• Where can I go bear hunting in Philadelphia?
• How much does it cost to get into the free festival at Penn's landing?
• If I visit the Italian market will I see Rocky Balboa working out?
• What is the train scedule from Rome to Naples?
• Will the fireworks be at night or during the day?
• What kind of clothes do I take to Aruba?

Baltimore

• I'm a licensed scuba diver--can I dive in the shark tank at the Baltimore Aquarium during the feeding?
• Which hotels have rooms with swimming pools in them?
• How to you make peppermint sticks?
• What is the nutritional value of crabs?
• Where is the Soul Train locomotive stop?
• Is there ferry service from Baltimore to Houston, Texas?
• Where is Baltimore's uninhibited island?
• What time will it start raining today?
• Does someone drive the water taxi or does it go by itself?
• Where can I go rat fishing in Baltimore?

By Marty Olmstead, taken from the August 1996 issue of TWA's Ambassador magazine.